ThinkaboutyourFantasies

Your imagination is very good place to start. First ask yourself if there is a particular scenario or activity that you have fantasised about. Perhaps a scene from a movie, a sexy costume, a particular role play you have heard about e.g. teacher and student. Rest assured, it will be right there in your imagination, you simply have not given it the time it deserves.

This daydreaming can give you clues and pointers as to what kinks you may wish to explore. Simply start with your own fantasies and let your imagination run wild. Remember you are not telling anyone else about your fantasies just yet, so gather all of the naughty details together in your mind and be honest with yourself about what you like, do not worry about the whys or hows just yet.


Think aboutyour Fantasies

Your imagination is very good place to start. First ask yourself if there is a particular scenario or activity that you have fantasised about. Perhaps a scene from a movie, a sexy costume, a particular role play you have heard about e.g. teacher and student. Rest assured, it will be right there in your imagination, you simply have not given it the time it deserves.

This daydreaming can give you clues and pointers as to what kinks you may wish to explore. Simply start with your own fantasies and let your imagination run wild. Remember you are not telling anyone else about your fantasies just yet, so gather all of the naughty details together in your mind and be honest with yourself about what you like, do not worry about the whys or hows just yet.

BreakingtheIce

Couple in BDSM pose Woman with handcuffs on and man holding her from behind

Let us fuel the kinky spark. A very simple suggestion to your partner that you would like to spice up your sex life is a good ice breaker. Believe it or not, most people are receptive to this broad suggestion, and will most likely want to hear your thoughts. Point them to the Kinky Time section on Kamorii and use it as a third person to detach yourselves from the whole notion of getting kinky. It is always easier when someone else is making the suggestions.

For starters, let’s consider a sample couple:

First let’s take the woman’s fantasy. She fantasises about leaving an opera draped a slinky black latex number with stockings, suspenders and killer heels, being escorted by a charismatic sexy Bond type character. He wears a sharp suit and ushers her into his Aston Martin before whisking her through the streets of London. He takes her to a hotel and leads her to an opulent sexy red room, tying her up whilst whispering suggestively in her ear. As he strokes and teases her, his equally attractive friend arrives unexpectedly and playfully watches the scene unfold.

Maybe this type of scenario is your thing, certainly many people who would never admit to being kinky, have lustfully read the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. It has proven to be a popular and compelling fantasy, albeit a tad non-consensual and careless.

Some of the keywords and thoughts that could be drawn out of her fantasy are:

Excitement, Danger, Seduction, Submission, Voyeurism, Uniform, Romance, Luxury, Fear, Humiliation, Bondage, Objectification, Fancy Car, Tease & Denial, a Desire to be Taken/Captured, Surrendering Oneself, a Third Person involved, and Pushing Limits.

Now let us take the man’s fantasy, involving a woman dressed as “catwoman” in a slinky latex catsuit; whip in hand and on the run from her latest diamond heist. Dressed as “Batman”, he tracks her down, captures her and speeds her through the city streets in his batmobile with her tied up in the passenger seat. When he arrives at the bat cave, she undergoes a sexually charged interrogation by him; gadgets from his utility belt come out to play in an effort to force the information out of her, as his assistant Robin looks on.

Some of the key words and thoughts that could be drawn out of his fantasy are:

Dominance, Latex Fetish, Costumes (cosplay), Interrogation, Crime & Punishment, Action, Hero and Villain Roleplay, Verbal Humiliation, Fear, Bondage, Pain, Fancy Car, Desire to Hunt and Capture, Third Person involved, Crossing the Line, Gritty, Aggressive, Equipment and Implements.

If you have never done anything remotely kinky, then full role playing of the fantasies described above might not be the best place to start. However, it is important to remember that kinky fantasies begin as just that, and it is the details of the particular fantasy that are important when starting out.

Using the above examples as a guide, have a think about what lies behind your fantasy. It might not be so obvious at first glance, but this couple have common interests within their fantasies and these are a great foundation to build upon. Think of the key concepts that come out of your fantasies and try and identify them. Of course, if by some miracle the same concepts come out of both of you fantasies, then it is your lucky day.

Note: Some of the words in the above fantasies are in BLACK BOLD for a reason, as when indulging in “Kink” with another, the activities must be carried out in as safe a manner as possible. At no point should your partner be forced to do anything that they do not want to do and most importantly, have not consented to. If such non-consensual aspects arise as part of your fantasy then you need to be mindful that you must get consent prior to acting out or arranging these aspects. We will discuss the importance of “safe words” and “safe signs” later.


BreakingtheIce

Let us fuel the kinky spark. A very simple suggestion to your partner that you would like to spice up your sex life is a good ice breaker. Believe it or not, most people are receptive to this broad suggestion, and will most likely want to hear your thoughts. Point them to the Kinky Time section on Kamorii and use it as a third person to detach yourselves from the whole notion of getting kinky. It is always easier when someone else is making the suggestions.

Some of the words in the below fantasies are in Bold for a reason, as when indulging in “Kink” with another, the activities must be carried out in as safe a manner as possible. At no point should your partner be forced to do anything that they do not want to do and most importantly, have not consented to. If such non-consensual aspects arise as part of your fantasy then you need to be mindful that you must get consent prior to acting out or arranging these aspects. We will discuss the importance of “safe words” and “safe signs” later.

Let us consider a sample couple:

First let’s take the woman’s fantasy. She fantasises about leaving an opera draped a slinky black latex number with stockings, suspenders and killer heels, being escorted by a charismatic sexy Bond type character. He wears a sharp suit and ushers her into his Aston Martin before whisking her through the streets of London. He takes her to a hotel and leads her to an opulent sexy red room, tying her up whilst whispering suggestively in her ear. As he strokes and teases her, his equally attractive friend arrives unexpectedly and playfully watches the scene unfold.

Maybe this type of scenario is your thing, certainly many people who would never admit to being kinky, have lustfully read the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. It has proven to be a popular and compelling fantasy, albeit a tad non-consensual and careless.

Some of the keywords and thoughts that could be drawn out of her fantasy are:

Excitement, Danger, Seduction, Submission, Voyeurism, Uniform, Romance, Luxury, Fear, Humiliation, Bondage, Objectification, Fancy Car, Tease & Denial, a Desire to be Taken/Captured, Surrendering Oneself, a Third Person involved, and Pushing Limits.

Now let us take the man’s fantasy, involving a woman dressed as “catwoman” in a slinky latex catsuit; whip in hand and on the run from her latest diamond heist. Dressed as “Batman”, he tracks her down, captures her and speeds her through the city streets in his batmobile with her tied up in the passenger seat. When he arrives at the bat cave, she undergoes a sexually charged interrogation by him; gadgets from his utility belt come out to play in an effort to force the information out of her, as his assistant Robin looks on.

Some of the key words and thoughts that could be drawn out of his fantasy are:

Dominance, Latex Fetish, Costumes (cosplay), Interrogation, Crime & Punishment, Action, Hero and Villain Roleplay, Verbal Humiliation, Fear, Bondage, Pain, Fancy Car, Desire to Hunt and Capture, Third Person involved, Crossing the Line, Gritty, Aggressive, Equipment and Implements.

If you have never done anything remotely kinky, then full role playing of the fantasies described above might not be the best place to start. However, it is important to remember that kinky fantasies begin as just that, and it is the details of the particular fantasy that are important when starting out.

Using the above examples as a guide, have a think about what lies behind your fantasy. It might not be so obvious at first glance, but this couple have common interests within their fantasies and these are a great foundation to build upon. Think of the key concepts that come out of your fantasies and try and identify them. Of course, if by some miracle the same concepts come out of both of you fantasies, then it is your lucky day.

SimplifytheFantasy

Think about what thoughts and feelings are actually behind the fantasy. What is it about the fantasy that you enjoyed? Would you like more evenings out where you both make an effort to dress up? Do you like a man in uniform; if so which uniforms excite you? Is it the seduction or submission that excites you? Is it the sense of danger and handing over control? Do you like the idea of being physically restrained, teased and objectified? Does the presence of another person excite you? Or is it a bit of everything, or none of the above? It really does not matter as long as you start thinking about these types of questions yourself.

Again with the “Batman” fantasy, is it the costumes that get your juices flowing? Gadgets and implements? Dominance and bondage? Do you like the idea of action based role play involving a bit of pain and an intense verbal interrogation? The chase and the struggle? Does the thought of someone else watching excite you? Again there is no right and wrong answer, as long as you start thinking about these types of questions.


SimplifytheFantasy

Think about what thoughts and feelings are actually behind the fantasy. What is it about the fantasy that you enjoyed? Would you like more evenings out where you both make an effort to dress up? Do you like a man in uniform; if so which uniforms excite you? Is it the seduction or submission that excites you? Is it the sense of danger and handing over control? Do you like the idea of being physically restrained, teased and objectified? Does the presence of another person excite you? Or is it a bit of everything, or none of the above? It really does not matter as long as you start thinking about these types of questions yourself.

Again with the “Batman” fantasy, is it the costumes that get your juices flowing? Gadgets and implements? Dominance and bondage? Do you like the idea of action based role play involving a bit of pain and an intense verbal interrogation? The chase and the struggle? Does the thought of someone else watching excite you? Again there is no right and wrong answer, as long as you start thinking about these types of questions.

Kinky Communication: The best ofBeginnings

So by now you should have a basic idea of the things that excite and titillate you both. You have thought about your fantasies and simplified them into some keywords, concepts and thoughts. Now it is time to discuss them with each other.

Remember, when building a healthy kinky relationship with your partner, it is best to built up slowly over a period of time, giving ample opportunity to explore the thoughts behind the feelings with each other as you go. It may be unreasonable to expect an immediate outpouring of a person’s deepest, darkest fantasies and desires, so start off with aspects of your fantasies that you think you both might like.

Dominance and Submission is a good starting point, so I recommend you read the Dominance & Submission Guide (available with Membership). Do not worry if you are feeling unsure about who likes what at this stage, there can be many possible permutations and nuances.

Also keep in mind that you need to explore and work at aligning your kinks with those of your partner. This ensures that the needs of both of you are met and that things do not become one-sided. Learning to enjoy each other’s fantasies; building up trust with how you both deal with your fantasies; and learning about each other are all part of the process.

KinkyCommunication:The best ofBeginnings

So by now you should have a basic idea of the things that excite and titillate you both. You have thought about your fantasies and simplified them into some keywords, concepts and thoughts. Now it is time to discuss them with each other.

Remember, when building a healthy kinky relationship with your partner, it is best to built up slowly over a period of time, giving ample opportunity to explore the thoughts behind the feelings with each other as you go. It may be unreasonable to expect an immediate outpouring of a person’s deepest, darkest fantasies and desires, so start off with aspects of your fantasies that you think you both might like.

Dominance and Submission is a good starting point, so I recommend you read the Dominance & Submission Guide (available with Membership.)Do not worry if you are feeling unsure about who likes what at this stage, there can be many possible permutations and nuances.

Also keep in mind that you need to explore and work at aligning your kinks with those of your partner. This ensures that the needs of both of you are met and that things do not become one-sided. Learning to enjoy each other’s fantasies; building up trust with how you both deal with your fantasies; and learning about each other are all part of the process.

Try our other Kinky Time Guides.

Try our other Kinky Time Guides.

Always strive for more pleasure. Never stop learning. Have fun.