BDSM Glossary of TermsUse this guide to get some ideas for your own kinky play & learn some rules of kink
Aftercare
This is the important time after a kink session where the couple relax, pamper each other and calm down. They may discuss the session and their personal reactions to it. Kinky play often involves an endorphin high and engaging in proper aftercare prevents a “subdrop” (see below) as these endorphin levels return to normal.
Bad Pain
Pain which is outside of agreed limits. This is an absolute “no no” in kinky play. Those in control must always comply with what is expressly consented to, out of basic respect for your partner. In addition, doing acts outside of agreed limits may be a criminal offence in some jursidictions.
BDSM
Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism. A catch all acronym.
Bondage
Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage typically refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a particular body part.
Consent
Express mutual agreement to the terms of an activity, role play or scenario. Each of you must ensure you get consent from the other.
Contract
An agreement between a couple who engage in kinky play. It should only be finalised after much discussion. It will serve to outline the rules and boundaries which are agreed upon by you both. It will also outline what acts are consented to and those that are not.
Dominant or DOM
A person who plays the part of exercising control. It is not automatically the case that the Dominant will dictate the role play. The person playing the Submissive may control what happens in the scenario and instruct the Dominant on how to perform and what to do.
Dominance &Submission
Kinky play that involves an erotic power exchange.
Dungeon
Usually referring to a room or area with kinky equipment and play space. These can be hired by couples who wish to use a space that is specifically geared up for kink. Professional dungeons usually contain very expensive equipment that a couple cannot afford to buy or fit in their own homes.
Endorphin Rush
Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the “high” that you may experience from activities such as sex or high-risk sports. They are the body’s natural response to a heightened or intense experience. Kinky activities often trigger an endorphin rush. Please see “Aftercare” for the care required to ensure that subdrop (see below) does not occur after a kinky session.
Erotic Sexual DenialorTease & Denial
The act of keeping your partner aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings. This will keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and heightened sensitivity.
Erotic Spanking
The act of spanking your partner for the sexual arousal or gratification of one or both parties.
Fetish
A specific obsession or delight in one object, body part, thing or experience.
Good Pain
Good pain is pain that is expressly mutually agreed, desired or permitted by the submissive partner to be experienced, and seen by them as of enjoyment and value. The submissive partner must be clear about what pain is consented to and what pain is not. For example, a light smack on the bottom may be enjoyed, but a heavy whipping not. Those in control must always comply with what is consented to. If not, it may be a criminal offence in your jurisdiction/country.
Hard Limits
Activities that your partner will absolutely not do and are non-negotiable. These should be set out in the Contract.
Impact Play
Play which includes tools which cause impact such as whips, riding crops, paddles, floggers, etc.
Kinbaku orShibari
A Japanese style of bondage which involves rope tying, using visually intricate patterns, usually with several pieces of thin rope.
Masochism
Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.
Masochist
A person who enjoys pain.
OTK
Over the Knee (Spanking).
Pegging
A sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo.
Sadism
The act of inflicting pain.
Sadist
A person who enjoys inflicting pain.
SSC
Safe, Sane & Consensual. A handy acronym to determine the appropriateness of an act in kinky play.
Safe Word orSafe Sign
A code-word or sign to indicate that an activity should stop. This is very important for all couples to ensure consent compliance and safety. The word should not be one that would usually be said during the heights of passion. Commonly couples use colour names or unusual words.
Scene orScenario
A period of time involving kinky activities.
Sensation Play
Kinky play where the intent is to play with your partner’s sensory limits, thus exploring texture and sensory deprival. For example, using a blindfold and a feather.
Service Oriented Submission
A person who enjoys performing a service in a sexual or kinky manner. For example, one partner pretends to be a servant for the other in the home.
Subdrop
A physical condition, often with cold or flu-like symptoms, after an intense session of kinky play. This can last for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.
Submissive or SUB
A person that gives up control within a kinky role play or scenario.
Switch
Someone who likes being both submissive & dominant.
Wax play
The use of hot dripping wax from a candle as stimulation.
Kinky Time